This post is kind of all over the place. I've had a sappy mommy kind of day. I don't know if it makes sense, but it was nice to get it out. If you're an advocate for anti-daycare, please don't say anything rude. I've had enough people share their unwelcome opinions and judgements about it. I do it because I have to, not because I want to. (In the same sense, if you don't have to use the d-word, I am not hating. This is just our family situation.)
So, I've had a bad attitude the past few mornings, and it's mainly been directed towards my husband. Let me explain.
I have a love/hate relationship with my job-sometimes. I love what I do, I love my students (I have some really great ones again this year), I love the people I work with, I love the school I work with, BUT I love being Eli's mommy more. By Thursday morning I'm usually struggling. Thursday and Friday are hard days for me dropping Eli off at daycare.
I'm major type A. I don't like being late places. I kind of live by that motto, "if you're early you're on time and, if you're on time you're late" (which is funny because I'm not really early anywhere since becoming a mommy). I don't have to be at work until 8. It majorly stresses me out to be there any later than 7:50. I like things to be turned on before my kids enter the room, and I love those few minutes of peace in my empty classroom before the chaos of the day hits. The past few days I've been flying in there at like, 7:57, and staying until well after 5..or 6.., plus bringing work home. It's just that time of the school year. So many little things going on and to be done.
I have been very rude to my husband the past few mornings. He helps me out a lot and does a lot for me in the morning to help us get out the door. He has to be at work at 7:30, and even though he's offered to take Eli to school so I can get to work, I won't let him. 1) I'm his Mommy. I want to take him. 2) I HATE Eli being there so early. Before 7:30 they just park the kids in front of the TV and I'm not down with that.
To make it worse, my boy won't let me carry him in anymore. I'm so grateful that he's a healthy and thriving boy, but I sure do miss my baby. He tells me, "No, mama. Walk! Walk!" So I put him down and we walk to the curbs and have to jump off of each. and. every, one of them. Then we have to weave in and out of the columns walking into his school. Once we get in, he gives me a quick hug and then runs to play with his friend Lily. They're BFFs. Really. I pray Lily doesn't move. Eli would be devastated. Once he sees Lily, it's like, 'Mommy who??" Really, I'm not exaggerating, he ignores me once he starts playing with Lily.
So, I've spent the past 2 mornings being ill with my husband, mainly because I want to do it all and can't. I want to be the one who spends time with Eli in the mornings and gets him ready for school, and I want to be in my classroom early too. But then I got to thinking today, that like so many other things in life, "this too shall pass." And I'm not ready for that anytime soon. One day I will be in my classroom super early, and it will be because I won't have anything else to do in the mornings.
I'm thankful for my time with my boy in the morning. I love jumping off every curb with him and weaving our way around brick columns. We say prayers in the car on the way to school each morning. So, it seems a little silly that my feelings get a little hurt when Eli chooses Lily over me; we pray often that Eli would be a good friend.
So, if it means being late (are merely 'own-time', using my kind of logic) to work each day, I'll take it. Eli and Mommy are making the most of our time together before our day really starts. And, tonight, I'm thankful that we have the weekend to spend together. I have missed seeing my boy all day! And, of course, I'm thankful for a husband that helps out so much, and who gets me. He never holds my rude mood against me, and loves me still. : )